Blank
by MushyJello
Summary: Ichigo left the life of being a shinigami after Inoue's death. Rukia stayed behind as he drowns in guilt and regret. 3 years later, she decides that she should let go. Will Ichigo realize what's truly important to him before it's too late? IchiRuki


**Thank you** for clicking into this page~

This is MushyJello and this is my first fanfiction (bows)

It is obviously staring one of my favorite pairings ever, IchiRuki = =+

This pairing seriously needs more love..whoa..

I originally had done this in Chinese, but after translating it doesn't feel too well, and the style of writing is quite absurd…hopefully it would still have a reasonable quality =3=

And sorry for grammar mistakes… English is my second language, after all (sobs)

As for the ending I have no idea what to do. So feel free to imagine your own o_O

Please try to review, even if it sucks…it only takes you a few second to write something like "What a boring story, go and do something more productive and stop wasting my time". Anything like that will be better than no reviews OTZ

Okay, enough said.

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**Disclaimer**: I don't own any bleach characters or what so ever. They belong to the lucky TiteKubo who is currently giving me a horrible headache due to the lack of IchiRuki scenes. Grr.

**Pairings**: Ichiruki, onesided Ichihime if you'd like.

**Warnings:** Crappy writing TAT, weird ending, mentions of character deaths. Kinda OOC.

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01

He reached out with his hand, as if he was trying to grasp onto something. Lingering in that position, he closed his eyes, feeling the familiar drowning sensation. The glass door behind him slid open carefully, but he remained standing in the posture, neglecting the sudden intrusion.

"Are you not sleeping again?"

"Yeah."

"You…"

"Rukia, you should go to bed."

He listened to the sound of the door closing behind. Then, he rests his head between his arms, embracing himself tightly. He had gotten used to sleeping like this, ever since the end of the winter war.

He took a deep breath, only to taste the lasting bitterness in the air.

02

He never doubted the purpose of his existence. But right now, he felt that he was, becoming, very laughable. So weak and frail.

As he walked home, he notices a roaring monster charging at him. A 'hollow', as they call it. He touched his back but realizes that Zangetsu was already something of the past. He flinched at the memories that flooded through his mind. The things that he doesn't want to remember.

He looks at Rukia as she leaves her gigai without any hint of hesitation. Her fukutaicho badge seemed to glint under the setting sun. Sode no Shiraiyuki was the usual gleaming white: So white that it stung his eyes, in a way.

He stood and watched as his companion eliminated the monster in an amazing speed. Then, he wondered if the word 'companion' is suitable for them both anymore.

They walked home in silence.

03

He seems to be thinking about a person all the time. She evaded every corner of his mind. And for some reason, he couldn't stop remembering her. It was a promise, after all, between the two of them.

"Kurosaki-kun"

That was how she always called him.

Sighing, he let the regret silently overwhelm his tired mind.

04

A glass of pure cold water was placed on his desk.

"Rukia, are you awake?"

"…yeah."

Her thin pale fingers pushed open a small gap in the wardrobe door.

"I…"

He began to speak; yet he doesn't know what he should say anymore.

"I know what you want to say."

Silence.

The room, small enough as it is already, seemed to have gotten even more cramped.

The glass in his hands slipped dramatically and landed on the floor with a loud crash. Pieces of glass are splattered everywhere he could see. He stared blankly as she opened the wardrobe door and started cleaning the fragments.

His hands stopped hers.

"Rukia, can you please don't bother with me anymore?"

She avoided eye contact, wondering how sorrowful his eyes look like right now. Withdrawing her hands, she feels that little bit of his lingering warmth.

"No." She said, her voice unfaltering, as she continued to pick up the sharp specks. "I will leave when I have to."

He stood up and watched her clean.

Silence.

She left the room and came back later in with another glass of water, now placed gently on his desk.

The wardrobe door closes.

He sat on the edge of his bed, all of a sudden wondering how it feels to fall. Shaking his head, he returned to the balcony. Once again, just like every other day, his hands are reached out and his fingers are bent, as if he was trying to hold onto something.

The pain strikes. He embraced himself, trying to get rid of the emptiness.

05

Escaping from all responsibilities was all he did ever since the winter war. It was when he realized he still couldn't protect anyone. It was when he realized he was still being protected.

…..

It was when she died saving him.

"Inoue." He whispered in his sleep.

"Kurosaki-kun."

"Kurosaki-kun."

"Kurosaki-kun."

He wondered if he could hear her voice anymore, even if it was just for once.

06

"Wrong."

"What?"

"Your buttons."

She stepped closer, and then reached to help him unbutton and then re-button his shirt. He felt her warm and light breath on his neck. His mind stay blank, enjoying the peacefulness of the rare moment.

07

He didn't hesitate. He didn't hesitate to save Rukia in Soul Society. He didn't hesitate to save Inoue.

But when he tried to save the latter girl, he failed, miserably.

He finds it so hard to breathe in his small bedroom. Pushing the glass door, he headed out again, trying to let the cold air freshen up his weary mind.

08

He stared at the empty seat, not so far away.

Why wasn't anyone remembering her?

Did they forget about Inoue already?

Chad, Ishida, Tatsuki, did you all forget?

Is he the only one who remembers?

Even if he is the only one, he won't forget.

That was a promise, between him and her.

To remember her.

And he, is remembering her, every single second.

09

She devoted herself to him, he thinks.

Healing him again and again.

Smiling brightly in the most difficult times.

He didn't do much about it at the time.

But now?

Now it's too late. There is nothing he could do about it anymore.

He felt weak.

"Ichigo."

"…"

He stood there, feeling the familiar yet awkward silence between the two.

"Go see her."

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Ichigo!" She yelled.

He turned his head away.

"She's just in Rukongai, so why aren't you going to see her if you are so desperate? What are you scared of? What are you hesitating about?"

He could feel her furious glare.

"Are you scared that she doesn't know you anymore? Scared that you can't stand in front of her? When did you become such a coward?"

"Rukia! SHUT UP!"

He didn't miss the frustration and emptiness in her voice. He didn't miss the moment when her eyes seemed to be so sorrowful. He didn't wonder why Rukia haven't kicked him for being so passive. He simply ignored the fact that she was acting a little...strange.

"Are you trying to hide in your little world again?" Her voice sounded abnormally cold. "She is dead, Rukia. Dead!" He yelled. "All because of me, she's dead!"

She turned and walked away as he stood there and shouted.

10

If he could repay her for what he did, he would still feel the urge to live on.

But she's gone. Forever.

11

Rukia was away for two days.

He stayed in his own world, hiding from the truth, living as if nothing had happened before. No hollow, no espada, no battles, no death.

No certain shinigami telling him about what he should do, no certain shinigami giving him the care and attention he doesn't deserve.

Something seems to be missing, though he couldn't figure out what.

What is with the increasing emptiness?

12

He saw Yuzu standing in front of his bedroom.

"Yuzu?"

"Ichi-nii," she said, her eyes worried.

"What's going on?"

"Rukia-nee seemed to be eating less and less these days…I'm—"

His usual frown deepened as he went in.

Rukia stood on the balcony. He thought that she looked weaker and paler than usual. Fragile, even.

"Yuzu said you didn't eat much."

"I'll go later."

"Na, Ichigo."

She turned and stared at him.

"How long are you going to stay like this for?"

"…"

He looked outside at the peaceful Karakura town, avoiding her clear and powerful glance.

"I don't know."

Silence.

13

How long are you going to stay like this for?

How long are you going to stay, bounded by guilt and regret?

A year?

Five years?

Ten?

Even longer?

Maybe even, for your entire life?

14

"I'm going back to Soul Society tomorrow."

"Renji would come here to replace me, for the mean time."

Rukia looked at Ichigo for a while, but then decided to leave when she received no reply.

He flinched when he heard her close the bedroom door. He felt unusually irritated at the fact that Rukia will have to leave, even if it's just for a short period of time. As if something went wrong, and something had been taken away from him.

He suddenly remembered what she had said that night. "_I'll leave when I have to."_ Tensed, he stood up and walked outside to the balcony.

It was abnormally cold that night outside.

15

What would you do if Rukia leaves?

Renji once asked him that.

Matsumoto once asked him that.

Yuzu once asked him that.

So many people had asked him that, but he never did ask himself that very question.

What would happen if Rukia leaves, Kurosaki Ichigo?

16

For the first time in three years, he didn't dream about the dying Inoue Orihime.

17

He was suddenly aware that Rukia was always there by his side.

He had gotten used to her constant and comforting presence for the past five years, ever since they met. Now that he thought about it, she was always there, nearby, ready to help, ready to cheer him up.

She was the only one who knew him so well. Everybody see his sorrow, his guilt, his regret and his worries, but only she could heal him and put him back together again.

He remembered Inoue's death, his eternal pain that chased him day and night. After she died, he couldn't quite figure out his purpose of living anymore.

What is he trying to protect when he swings Zangetsu?

How could Rukia still draw out Sode no Shiraiyuki with such ease?

"Thank you…for not dying."

"I didn't come here to be protected by you!"

"I won't thank you, idiot."

"If you are scared of defeats, then train harder. If you are worried about your companions, then just train and become stronger so you can protect them. If you are scared about your inner hollow, then just become stronger so that you can defeat it. That is the "you" that lives in my heart!"

"Why don't you trust us, Ichigo? Aren't we nakama?"

Who was it that said all these words?

16

For three years he had remained silent, unmoved, passive.

Rukia had never left him.

And tomorrow, she's returning to Soul Society.

17

He doesn't want her to leave.

18

"You're strange today, Ichigo."

"….Hey, Rukia."

"…?"

"I'm going with you back to Soul Society tomorrow."

"Huh?" She looked, surprised. "What, are you going to find Kenpachi-taichou and fight him at last?"

Why would she think that? He wondered.

"No, but d-didn't you say Inoue was in Rukongai? I-I want to go and find her."

"I see." She walked off, closing the glass balcony door behind her.

"Do as you please."

He heard her murmur.

19

The throbbing pain in her heart made her remembered Inoue.

She remembered when Inoue spent all her powers trying to bring the dying Kurosaki Ichigo back. She remembered that when he finally woke up, she collapsed. "Ya-da, Kurosaki-kun, you are finally awake…" She remembers how Inoue's eyes glued onto his face, afraid that each second might be her last.

"Inoue!"

She remembers the frightened tone in his voice.

She remembers how Inoue spent the last of her energy gently pulling Ichigo towards her. She remembers how, when Inoue finally left, Ichigo bitterly touched her cold lips with his.

She remembers how, later on, when her death was confirmed, he was mad, even insane, perhaps. Then, he said, with a cold expression, that he doesn't want to be shinigami anymore, for no reason. He just doesn't want to.

It was all because of Inoue Orihime.

Jealous, envy: all of them are such ugly emotions. After all these years she should've already have familiarized with the disappointment, the pain and the fact that she doesn't even exist in his heart. Yet she couldn't help but to wonder if she really matters to him. At all.

She gave herself three years to find out.

20

It had been three years.

She recalled this word called despair, again and again in her mind.

21

She didn't fail to notice the immense joy and happiness in his eyes when he met Inoue, finally, after a day of searching in the vast Rukongai. When she saw how his eyes are immediately glued to hers, she decided to leave.

Really, she really shouldn't linger on and give herself false hope anymore.

22

She stood on a quiet corner of Sereitei after reporting to her taicho. "Na, Sode no Shiraiyuki." She said, her voice gentle and soft.

"All I have left is you now."

23

"Are…are you happy here?" "Eh? Happy? I…I think so."

He looked at her, rejoicing, even though she doesn't know who he is anymore. It had been three years. Three long years of pain and suffering. The emptiness in his heart should be, by now, filled. Then why does he still feel so vacant?

"What are you here for?" She said, curious. Staring deep into her eyes, he suddenly decided to tell her everything that had happened.

"…so then the guy was filled with guilt? But then the girl was dead already, right? And, also, you said that the girl died because of the guy, right? Then does the girl like the guy a lot?"

He spent a while digesting the question before nodding, feeling embarrassed.

"Then, does the he like her back?"

Does he like her back.

This is such a simple question, but he couldn't bring himself to answer it.

Does he like her back?

Looking at his confused face, Inoue asked again.

"Then, does the guy like the other girl?"

"Who?"

"The girl that the guy went to save first! I think the guy would like this one better!" she chirped, "The latter one is just plain guilt, don't you think? But then, of course, the guy sounds like the dense type anyways, and even if he understands he probably won't admit how he feels, but then…"

He didn't hear her finish her sentence. He ran away, escaping.

He asked himself a question. A simple question.

What would happen if Inoue wasn't the one who left, but rather, Rukia?

It was such a basic question, yet he couldn't bring himself to even think about it.

The thought of living without Kuchiki Rukia suffocated him, drowned him, dragged him down…

24

As he ran towards Sereitei, he realized how painfully weak and powerless he was.

What had he done in the past three years?

Blank. So blank.

During the days that he was numbed by pain, Rukia was always there for him, giving him care that he doesn't deserve.

25

"Are you just going to let go like this?" She hears Matsumoto say.

"What else can I do, Rangiku? Wait for another three years?" She finds her own voice annoyingly calm.

"…. Is that kid really so dense?"

Dense. Does that word suit Ichigo? She wondered. No. He simply chose to ignore, that's all.

"He felt guilty for his mother's death for a total of fifteen years, so if that's how he is now, I would understand…"

She sighed.

"But…"

The door of the tenth division was slammed open by brute force. Surprised, both Rukia and Matsumoto found Ichigo standing there, glaring at Rukia.

"Aren't you going to spend more time with Inoue?" She said, frowning.

"We are going back." He said as he grabbed onto her thin arms and pulled her towards him.

"I-Ichigo?"

"I said, we are going back. I don't care if this is your fukutaicho duty or not, all I need is for you to go back with me."

"A-ano, Rangiku, can you please call the fourth division, Ichigo seemed to-"Rukia reached for help, only to find that Matsumoto had already left.

That idiot, she cursed, as she continued to wrestle out of Ichigo's grasp. Then, all of a sudden he was embracing her tightly, something that she wished for since long ago.

She stopped struggling and inhaled.

"Come back with me."

"Why?"

"Just come back with me."

"I have my own responsibilities, Ichigo."

"Rukia, I want you to stay beside me."

She wanted to hear these words for the past three years. Her eyes closed, feeling Ichigo's warmth. Yet, she couldn't linger like this much longer.

"Ichigo," she said as she pushed his arms away and backed up for a few steps.

She smiled.

"For the past three years I realize that I want to stay beside you forever. But…"

"But?"

He thinks that her smile is too cold and bitter.

"But I just gave myself three years to see if anything would change, to see if you would realize that I am be always there for you, provided that you'd even bother to look."

She exhaled, closing her eyes. "Yesterday was the last day we'd get."

"Why?" He desperateness was evident.

"Because I'm selfish."

She glared once more.

"Because I want a clarified relationship. Because I can't just stay there and watch myself fall."

Her voice turned even frostier.

"Because, three years isn't just an amount of time, but also a limit of how much I can tolerate."

26

He didn't miss the hint of despair in her voice when she gave him a silver coin.

"If it's heads, then I'll be going back with you."

"If it's tails, then…."

"It's over."

He stood there, bewildered. A 50% chance.

She handed over the coin. He thought that a mere coin had never felt so heavy before.

27

As he closed his eyes he recalled the little details he had ignored when he spent his days of guilt mourning Inoue every single second. The flashes of unhappiness, the times when he saw the pain in her eyes. The amount of damage she'd receive is suddenly so obvious.

Why is she the only one who would understand so well?

Why is she the only one who could save him?

Why would she allow him to get the 50% chance he doesn't deserve, after all the pain she suffered?

He felt powerless, like he had always did for the past three years.

Only that it feels so much worse.

Kurosaki Ichigo, you bastard.

27

The coin was flipped carefully into the air.

He closed his eyes, feeling the immense hope and fear overtake him, dragging him down.

A part of him wanted to remain blank so that he could avoid the truth.

He inhaled, controlling the anxiousness.

The coin landed on his palm.

Is it heads or tails?

-END-

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WHOA (dodges tomato)

Minna, Im sorry about the crappy ending - - not that the fanfiction was any good at all. (sighs) Anyways, I've finally contributed to the world of IchiRuki…bahahahaha (got kicked)

Oh well, in any case, thanks for reading this far (bows)

Reviews are very much appreciated, thank you! (bows again)


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